costs of adoption & convincing husband
I have two questions. I have very, very often thought of adopting. I would love a big family and being 42 (husband 50), that isn't going to happen naturally. We have an 18 month old son and my husband has a 19 year old away at college. We are trying (w/ difficulty) for #2. Regardless of that outcome, I would really love to adopt.
Question 1: Could you give me a sense for what it costs? I have no idea and no idea where to find out! I would be interested in adopting an older child who is really in need of a permanent home.
Question 2: My husband seems basically uninterested in adopting. I've never pushed a big conversation about it, but on the surface he doesn't seem interested, though he is very interested in conceiving #2. Any tips on bringing up the topic with him seriously??
If you can bring your husband on board and the two of you are seriously interested in adopting an older child rather than a newborn, you will be welcomed by the public children's services agency in your state. Costs will be minimal--those of legal finalization. In fact, your child will likely come with some kind of financial subsidy to help you with any post-adopt services he may need. Call your local child welfare department, or search the internet for your state's adoption web page--all states have one. Also look up Wendy's Wonderful Kids.
Adopting internationally or through a private agency is a far different thing. International adoption of an older child is rarely less expensive than adopting a very young child. Fees may range from $20,000-40,000 and more.
I'd suggest that you start with my book Adopting: Sound Choices, Strong FAmilies and ask your husband to read it too. Also call several local agencies to see whether there are any informational meetings being held in your area. Fall (especially November, Adoption Awareness Month) is a common time for parent support groups, coalitions of agencies, etc. to offer adoption fairs and symposia.
This can work! Move!