Nervous to ask this but....

[karen m]

At the time of this conversation (about 3 years ago) she was feeling a bit defeated I think. However, she continued along the line of thinking and despite quite a bit of time gone by...she remains very leery of IVF. Also, that series of clomid/IUI was spread out over the course of about 1.5 years (she'd do a round, take a 4-6 month break, then try again much later on).

I have tried very gently to discuss it but ONLY if she has brought it up first. She seemed to be very concerned about medical procedures in general and was even aggravated about some bloodwork that her primary wanted her to do for a blood condition. I think she has a fear of medical "stuff" in general and also of anything that is too invasive, despite it being like anything else and not as scary once you've learned all the facts.

[maryellen]

I'm a perfect example of someone who made an uninformed decision at one point, that completely changed once I learned the truth. At one point, I completely refused to consider international adoption. I had seen too many episodes of 20/20 featuring kids with extreme attachment disorders and I was not willing to deal with that. I thought all children adopted internationally were from terrible institutions, were older, etc. When I finally actually looked at international adoption programs, I realized that adopting from Korea was absolutely perfect for us in every way. It seemed tailor made for us from the moment we learned about it, and in the long run it was absolutely the right choice for our family. Had I just gone with the (incorrect) common "knowledge" surrounding adoption at the time, I would have remained stuck and probably moved in the wrong direction for us.

DD wants to put a "sticker" in:

[SandyLM]

Originally Posted by zoeyz

I think this is an example of someone not trying to process what they are not ready to process. The woman sounds overwhelmed by her clomid/IUI cycles and probably not at all ready to become informed about the world of options beyond that. I think she will come to a crossroads and then have to decide what's next. She may be ready at that point to ask her doctor for IVF information or research adoption options. Right now, she doesn't sound ready for it, and maybe she never will be. I'm sure in her heart, she knows she doesn't really know much about IVF right now.

All I can say about this is I am so thankful for these boards! Now, I know I'm a control freak, but I just can't imagine how scary IF tx is when you don't understand the concepts that are being manipulated - superovulation, basic hormone testing, LH surges and pregnancy tests....good lord, what do some people really know/think? I saw a commercial for an early pregnancy test recently and they said "not all pregnancy tests are the same" and I thought -- well, actually, yes they are! -- but you have to understand that some are more sensitive than others....not like one tests for pregnancy hormones and the other tests for kryptonite, or something!

I do think, however, that there are SO many, many people out there that are uninformed about SO many things. IF is one really obvious concept - if you've got some old school gyn who says "don't worry honey, I'm just going to run a few blood tests but I'm sure you're fine" versus a much more open, progressive, communicative doctor....how different it would all be.

I think that adoption is like this for many people.

And I think that many people, like those here on Inciid (and we are a VERY well-informed group!) have done their research and made a choice that is right for their family. And I think that's ok, really. If you've looked at adoption, or IVF, or donor cycles, and don't feel comfortable, then good for you for knowing that about yourself. We are not all the same, and that's actually a good thing!

[Erin M]

I actually wouldn't encourage anyone to adopt. I may encourage them to explore the idea and see if it is right for them. But for many, many people, adoption is not a good fit.

As far as the "free" adoptions from the State, that is even more difficult. Children adopted from the State very often have severe problems, some of which do not surface until their teens. I used to think that raising a child would be the same, but as an long time adoptive parent to 4 children ages 9-13, I know better now.

While I agree that anyone who constantly complains about the same issue can be annoying, I don't think she is going to welcome your suggestion to adopt.

[brandyb]

Where did you get these facts- that children adopted from the state "very often" have severe problems that don't surface until teen years?

I would not encourage anyone to "just adopt", I would encourage them to think about it. And I stand by my assertion that adoption is a good fit for many more people than they think.

[Shazadio]

People are always going to make their own decisions based on their own knowledge and value systems. I find it sad when some people make what I would consider a short-sighted decision, but in the end, they need to live with it.

However, that tolerance does not extend to people who might judge me for the decisions I have or have not made. There are people that I know and love who vehemently disagree with even IUI because of religious reasons. I have one friend who doesn't understand why I didn't go straight to adoption (because of all those children who need homes) when I didn't conceive right away...as if it were my responsibility as an infertile woman to give them a home. I am also the type that talks very openly and matter-of-factly about IF and the procedures I do go through and encourage people to ask questions without preaching. I'm not embarrassed that my kids were conceived in a doctor's office instead of a bed & breakfast. I do consider it my duty to to my small part to normalize IF treatments and try to live by example.

[Marion1]

but in my situation I think I would have remained childless before choosing adoption. It is a personal choice of mine and because of my own life experience I couldn't see it as a means for having children.

However, if a family can be happy with it I think it is great - a win-win situation all around. I know several familes with adopted kids and I love them. It just isn't something I could do.

Maybe there are others out there who are like me?

[Dani]

Sing it! Thanks for posting this.