Devasted that I'm not covered

[darkandthewild]

Hello everyone,

I made an appointment for a fertility center for next week. I'm in a same-sex relationship and wanted to have AI though an anonymous sperm donor.
I received a voicemail from the center that my provider (United Healthcare) refuses to cover any of my services. Evidently, they won't cover infertility but will cover reproductive services.
I haven't even been seen for a consultation yet. What I don't get is first- why won't they even cover a consultation? The center states they accept UHC.
Second, my company is a big gay rights supporter. It upsets me that they would choose a healthcare provider which has no interest in helping GLBT employees become parents. I can pay for a "discounted program" from UHC- $2,000 for live sperm AI and $7,000 for frozen.
My state, NJ also has some kind of mandate requiring providers with more than 50 subscribers to provide fertility care. It does, however, state that the woman must possess a condition whichs renders her unable to conceive. How does the provider know if I am infertile or not until I am first seen by the doctor?
I may be splitting hair due to being emotional right now. I feel I don't have many options left in becoming a mother without taking out a second mortgage on my house in order to do it.

Thanks,
Carolee

[Everchildless]

first I could get pregnant, then my fully developed child witha hair linea and nail beds had to be left to die because tse was "too young" to try snd save her, and was told thst I could have other children. six more pregnancies later I still have no children; and I am 43 soon to be 44 years old in a state that stops paying for services past the age of 40 years old. I am looking for alternative and advocating proactively-alone.

Before I was 40 I had my own money twice. My "husband" would not go to the doctors with me the money had to be used. Another man said he would donate for me (because i want the bby to have known family). I could not receive his donation, nor go to the sperm bank becausre I was married. I have the poeces in place now; everyone has gone to the table (my sister has been willing to be my surrogate since 1997--she has had two childrenafter her vow to me already. She is now over 40y.). The Doctors want $3000 contracts from attorneys that had to be switched one because of their own legal practice issues related to parental rights of surrogate children. Furthermore, my donor, who finds out that he cannot produce sperm the "normal" way (he is in denial still--he thinks some day he will impregnate a younger woman; kill me why don't you). The Dr removed six from his gonads. One year later, the sperm, which I was told was weak, is still sitting in a sperm bank.... (By the way, I believe my x husband , who was transplanted from Haiti, conceied children while we were married. He wont discuss them etc.). The money I had came from my home. there is nothing left. I am a foreclosure nightmare.... Do what you (collectively) have to do if you really want it. Everything has been comming out of my pocket--and still does. Everyone, including the medical staff has been wishy-washy to this day. Dont give up.

I am also very aware and realistic (very important) to the fact that I will probably always have a prematire infant, but it bothers me that the doctors will not try something I want like using the chemical in the lungs that saved "The Miracle Girl". reported in the Reader's Digest ( I think it is more efficient than surfactant I think they are usingit in Australia). COver your bases (without too much emotion) until you have your child or have to pick an alternative. You have to weigh and loo at all avenues and be realistic..Good luck....