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BonnieV
03-01-2010, 04:09 PM
My kids are growing up. I was wondering what you are talking to your children about regarding their adoption? What kind of questions are they asking?

My kids talk about that they know they grew in another lady's belly because I couldn't grow babies in mine. They don't talk about much beyond that nor do they ask questions. My son will be 7 later this month and my daughter will be 6. Both of their adoptions were closed adoptions where we know little about their birth families. Our family is pretty non typical. I am living with a man I have been with nearly 3 years. I left my ex when the kids were 1 and 2 and we've had a nanny since that time. She and her husband are part of their immediate family as well as my best friend and my ex's girlfriend. I'm wondering when they will realize their life is fairly non typical?

If you want to see pictures go to http://www.audreywoulardblog.com/ my family is in the second 2/19 blog entry. Audrey used to be on INCIID. She is an amazing child photographer in chicago.

I miss this forum. I learned a lot here.

Bonnie

Allegro
03-01-2010, 04:37 PM
My kids are growing up. I was wondering what you are talking to your children about regarding their adoption? What kind of questions are they asking?

My kids talk about that they know they grew in another lady's belly because I couldn't grow babies in mine. They don't talk about much beyond that nor do they ask questions. My son will be 7 later this month and my daughter will be 6. Both of their adoptions were closed adoptions where we know little about their birth families. Our family is pretty non typical. I am living with a man I have been with nearly 3 years. I left my ex when the kids were 1 and 2 and we've had a nanny since that time. She and her husband are part of their immediate family as well as my best friend and my ex's girlfriend. I'm wondering when they will realize their life is fairly non typical?

If you want to see pictures go to http://www.audreywoulardblog.com/ my family is in the second 2/19 blog entry. Audrey used to be on INCIID. She is an amazing child photographer in chicago.

I miss this forum. I learned a lot here.

Bonnie

Lovely photos. You have gorgeous kids.

In our family adoption is pretty low key I'd say. We have open adoptions with both kids birthfamilies but the arrangements and level of contact is different. We muddle through and I let the kid's take the lead as much as possible. We talked it up enough I think when they were really little to let them know that's it's just part of their history and who they are and something they can talk about with us whenever they like. My DS (6 in May) rarely brings it up. Mostly it's in relation to his half sibling (who he met for the first time a few months back but who he has known about since her birth 2 years ago). He's just very proud to have two sister's - DD and his half-sib. Other than that I don't think he cares and I'd attribute that to his personality.

DD(7) talks about it A LOT. Again a personality thing. Her conversations almost always center around frustration that so-and-so doesn't believe she's adopted. We're working on teaching her that it's not really so-and-so's business. Perhaps she's a little too open about her origins. Not that she should be ashamed of it but I don't think she realizes that just because she thinks it makes her special doesn't mean other people will believe the same. BTW we've never presented adoption as something that makes her special - that's her own take on things and we haven't attempted to influence her interpretation one way or the other (maybe that was a mistake :unsure:) I think she also like to bring it up as a parental attention getter as it's a subject she knows I'll always stop to talk to her about so when she's feeling needy it's one topic (on a list that I'm recognizing more and more) that she might bring up. She know what I will say but just like to hear about herself.

michellect
03-02-2010, 10:26 PM
Hi Bonnie!

I remember you - and Allegro, too. We were all somewhere in the adoption process about the same time. My DD is 6 1/2 and my DS will be 3 in 3 weeks. Our DD has begun asking quite a few questions, both about her adoption and our DS's. It's interesting, really. We've answered them in the most age-appropriate way we can. Something along the lines of, "You grew in your birth mom's tummy, but she wasn't able to be the best mom to you, so she looked for your forever family." We have pics of DD's birth mom, but none of DS's, so I'm not sure how that's going to play out in the future.

We are a multi-racial family. DD is bi-racial, DS is AA and DH and I are caucasian. Because of the obvious differences between us, I read several adoption stories to DD's class during the month of November, National Adoption Month. Some of her classmates are much more streetwise than she is, and I wanted to try and educate them a little bit before they starting asking too many questions.

Hopefully, you'll be able to find the right answers for your kids. I miss this board, too! There was a really nice group of women here.

pastaff
03-03-2010, 08:59 PM
I check these boards once in a while, they are way too quiet! DS will be 7 in June, he brings up adoption once in a while, but usually as he getting ready to go to sleep. He has asked about his bmom, her name, where she lives, etc. The other night he asked how much he cost!! Blew me away since we never discussed cost as part of his adoption. He has also asked on a couple occassions how are babies made and can he have a little brother. Tough questions to answer, I do my best to keep things age appropriate and not too deep, especially since he is ready to fall asleep as he is asking these things.
Today I searched his bmom on facebook, just our of curiosity and found her! I 'm not going to contact her, but I am always thinking about her and wonder how she is. We exchanged letters and pics the first two years, met her when ds was 1 yr but have had no contact with her since ds turned 2. Patty

Allegro
03-04-2010, 08:59 AM
Both DD's birthparents are friends with me on facebook. It's an easy way to stay in contact. I would friend DS's birthmother as well but for good reasons we don't want her to know our last name.