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Thread: I have a dh problem...m

  1. #1
    Syd is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default I have a dh problem...m

    Dh and I go occasionally to a marriage counselor. We really enjoy it and learn so much about each other.

    Yesterday morning my birthday I decide to go and do my yearly fasting blood test. I ran into our marriage counselor at the lab. We talked and she mentioned to me about our last session about a month ago. She said the my dh has the same chip as ds. Ds was dx with hight functioning autism/aspergers and SID. She said that last session she dropped some hints about it but neither dh or I got. She told me yesterday the things that dh does is aspergers. The therapists dd also has autism so she knows her stuff. She told me not to mention this to dh and that she would at our next sesssion.

    I hate knowing this and not telling dh. I called a few oher doctors and they agreed with the therapist and not telling him. I didnt have clue that dh had these traits and when the therapist told them to me I saw it. I have such a bad feeling inside me now. Yes dh hold down a job, is a great father and husband but I still have a sense of loss with me now. One of the reasons we went to marriage therapy is because dh says some off the wall things and yesterday the therapist told me not to take those comments so personally knowing this info about him now.

    Another thing is I don't know when we are gong to be able to see the therapist, we are so busy this month.

    Thanks for letting me vent this. I can not tell anyone else about this because that would be so unfair to my dh.

    Anita

  2. #2
    Suzi is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default

    I'm sorry. I can see how that would give you a sense of loss. Is there any way you can clear a time to go see the therapist? I'd had a hard time holding that all in for too long. Don't you wish she hadn't said anything and just waited for your next appt? I'd be a little irritated with her.

  3. #3
    sugarsue is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Hugs!

    I just wanted to say I am sorry and I know this is a tough situation. I am a little surprised that the therapist just didn't wait until you were both there together. But I don't understand about these things.

    Hang in there...... I hope you get to go sooner than expected.

    Susan

  4. #4
    Restless is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Well, you knew something was off...

    and now you have a reason and a better understanding of what's wrong. I know it's a scarey trek ahead, but I think the more you know, the better you can both cope, communicate, and work on your marriage. I bet there are a ton of people with spouses like your DH...back when we were growing up, I don't think there was any awareness of high functioning autism/AS.


  5. #5
    Syd is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Yes I am...m

    A lot irritated by her. She should have not told me this info.

    I called her this morning and left a message. I basically said I was thown through a loop and I needed to talk to her asap.

    Thanks for your reply,
    Anita



    Quote Originally Posted by Suzi
    I'm sorry. I can see how that would give you a sense of loss. Is there any way you can clear a time to go see the therapist? I'd had a hard time holding that all in for too long. Don't you wish she hadn't said anything and just waited for your next appt? I'd be a little irritated with her.

  6. #6
    Syd is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Thank you,

    You are right she should have waited to see us both together or just dh. I think she was having a bad day. Seriouly, she the therapist had colon cancer 5 years ago and just recently had some tests come back abnormal.

    Anita

    Quote Originally Posted by sugarsue
    I just wanted to say I am sorry and I know this is a tough situation. I am a little surprised that the therapist just didn't wait until you were both there together. But I don't understand about these things.

    Hang in there...... I hope you get to go sooner than expected.

    Susan

  7. #7
    angeleena is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default hey, just wanted to send hugs...

    i am surprised at the therapist telling you this ahead of time. In my honest opinion, that was not a very kind thing to do, and having her ask you not to tell your dh that you know something like this could put a wedge between you. hmmn.
    Oh, i just read that your therapist is having some medical troubles and was having a bad day...i guess therapists are human too. But, still, very unfair to you.

    at any rate, i hope that you can get in soon like this week!! i could not hold such a secret for even a day. i am not good at it. at times i sure wish i was though!

    i am sorry this has happened to you and your family.

    it sounds like your husband has done ok for himself, so does it give some hope for your son?

    I am sorry that you are going through this.
    I hope you get some resolution soon.
    -angi

  8. #8
    jeninnc is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default

    Wow. I can't believe she told you that! I am sorry you had to find out that way.

    My dh has a LOT of the characteristics of aspergers (super smart etc) and is ADHD and totally sees it now that we are working along those lines with Ellie.

  9. #9
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    Default Hugs...

    When dd was diagnosed with ASD both Dh and I learned that her issues were a combination of ours. The good thing is that it helped us come to terms with what dd is going through. The best thing I did for dh was get him several books on ASD/ asperger's. Reading about the symptoms helped him realize that he had some of the same issues as a child and how he learned to cope as an adult.

    Charlotte

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