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Thread: Stupid things people have said about your SN kiddos...m

  1. #1
    trek is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Stupid things people have said about your SN kiddos...m

    My father who is a Dr, has said some not nice things regarding Grant, my older ds and his "issues". But today he won the prize!
    This is a phone conversation from today, regarding Holt.

    DAD: "Is he talking yet"
    ME: "Holt is saying more single words and repeating or attempting to repeat words more often. He even repeated a 2 word combo this past weekend"
    DAD:"well is he making progress?"
    ME:"certainly"
    DAD:"well, is he deaf and dumb?"


    Anyone else have comments to share that will either make us cry or laugh.

    Wendy
    Grant 9-8-99 PDD-nos, OCD, etc...
    Holt 10-15-04 PDD-nos

  2. #2
    Suzi is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Not about my child...but one of my good

    friends won't get her dd speech therapy because "she's not retarded, you know". She said this knowing that my dd had been in ST and dx with dyslexia, ADHD, etc. I wonder what she thinks about my dd, who btw has an above average IQ!

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    I have one. My and DH's nieces and nephews are all adults and for the most part are just wonderful with my kids. They do a lot for them, and are really good with Jimmy. Except for one niece that is.

    She was pregnant with her second child and needed a break from her very active one year old, who plays very nicely with my twins. I offered to take him for the weekend to give her a break, and the weekend went very well -- he had a great time playing with his cousins.

    My nephew (her brother, and Godfather to Jimmy), brought him home for her. Upon entering the house he immediately ran into his playroom to start playing. She got hysterical "what did Jimmy do to you, you used to say hi to me, did he give you autism?"

    My nephew said he stood there in stunned silence because he could not believe what he had heard. He then proceeded to give her a lecture of her lifetime. Still didn't sink in though because she had shortly thereafter told her mother (my ex-SIL) in front of a group of people that she doesn't want Jonah or the new baby to spend much time with Jimmy because she is afraid they will catch what "Jimmy has."

    Sigh.


    - Julie

  4. #4
    trek is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    JULIE~I know people are just not knowlegable, but the things they say

    SUZI~goodness

  5. #5
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    NancyR is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default You guys have heard me comment on all the insensitive

    things people say on a regular basis to us, over the last 5 years, in front of Leela. That poor kid hears over and over again "what's wrong with her" "why does she walk funny" "will she ever be normal or OK" and also "is she adopted". I can't stand the thought of her internalizing those messages. I think the worst was when the nanny came home and told me some preacher was praying over Leela doing a "healing" right smack in the subway. You know those NYC subway preachers are far from calm, quiet and discreet. (the nanny got a good talking to for putting Leela in that situation, I know she meant well, but not nice for Leela). Leela's gotten to the point that she recognizes the look on people's faces when they're going to ask her a question, and she takes off, or will flat out figure out a way to stop the conversation. Smart kid, since no good comes from those discussions usually.

    I have decided that I don't owe anyone an explanation or really a response at this point. It's easy to tell who is just being nosy, and who has relatives with similar situations and "get it." Either way though, it's upsetting to Leela and I just won't get into it.

    And, frankly, I've taken to calling people out for being insensitive. I decided people should realize that their words do hurt, and it's not a nice thing to do.

    Sorry we all have to experience these interactions, and even more sorry when our children experience them!

    Nancy

  6. #6
    angeleena is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    SO MANY- I cannot even recall them all...

    Recently, at a restaurant, a homeless looking man came up to me and said "I have a down syndrome girl too."

    OK, if she were downs, that would be one thing....

    but she is ASD with sensory issues.... I was speechless.

    My family has been the worst..... my brother who actually ADORES Ella has said the word "retarded?" in reference to her behaviors.

    He said she is like an "animal" when she "throws THOSE FITS!"

    My sister who raised three kids and thinks she knows everything has "poo-pood" everything about ella's special needs. "My kids threw fits all of the time" "My kids were shy too!" etc etc...whatever the latest medical stuff is with Ella, her kids had it too and they are "normal." She thinks I am making it up and has not been supportive AT ALL. GEE THANKS!

    I had some old guy tell me "you better get a hold on those fits and show her who is in charge...."

    We get stares ALL of the time at the store when she starts fitting. Dirty looks come often, and especially when she is screaming and hitting us as we haul her from the restaurant we are leaving, or the park, etc.....People must think we hit her, since she hits us - i used to think that way that is how i know...

    When we leave the park or ballet class and she does not want to go, every mom looks and either has the open mouth bad parenting look, or just plain shock that a pretty little girl could do what ella does.... and i have spent countless hours being upset about this, but lately I decided "F*CK EM!" THEY have NO CLUE how hard this can be. I am trying to remember that I am a good parent, and that it is not my fault.

    So, we are all great parents, or we would not be here talking about this.

    -Angi

  7. #7
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    At our parent-teacher conference, his TEACHER said, "well, he may not grow up to have a traditional office job"

    So...what...ditch digger? Supermarket bagger? What exactly do you mean, Mrs. S?

    And really, interesting how you can draw that conclusion about a SEVEN YEAR OLD! Grrrr....

    Oh, and after telling people about B's ADHD, I *always* get... "You know, I think we *all* have a form of ADHD.

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    trek is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    NANCY~I wish I had the guts to call out my dad, I did talk to him once, obviously it did not register
    Hugs

    ANGI~oh yes, the relative who just does NOT get or believe the dx. My ILs are great, but some of their family probably do not even know about my kid's dx. They would not get it.
    Hugs

    LAURA~OMG! The teacher comment. My dad says similar comments about Grant"he is no rocket scientist", or "he could be a truck driver". Well he can be what HE wants to be when HE decides
    Hugs

    **Forgot to share something else my dad said during that conversation. When I was sharing that Holt will be eligible at age 3 for Special Needs Preschool, my dad actually asked"how can he go to school if he is not talking?"**

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    jeninnc is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    AAGGHHH...someone told me the other day that austim was "like the new designer label" because so many celebrities kids have it.

    Umm OK. At least my kid is trendy LOL.

    I get a lot of misguided attemps. One friend was so excited to call me because apparently having autism qualifies Ellie for a special pass at disney. She said that we were so lucky to get it. Her heart was in the right place though.

  10. #10
    trek is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Ack! your friend did not say that. I think people just do nto think.

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