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Thread: How do I get through a school meeting without crying? (m)

  1. #1
    dulaney is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default How do I get through a school meeting without crying? (m)

    And yes, I am serious! I have a big meeting scheduled for Thursday to discuss my dd and I don't think I am going to be able to make it without getting emotional. This whole thing has really had me a wreck and very upset. After being told verbally that my dd is dsylexic (which I knew anyway) and then having her evaluated, I received the report from the school stating that they have determined that Alexis does not have any kind of disability and their recommendation is "regular education". I held on to the papers longer than I should have because I was suppose to send them back saying whether I agree or disagree with their findings. Well, I figured that they were expecting me to check that I agreed, but I couldn't do it. So, after a rough few weeks for Alexis in school, I called the school psychologist (who did the report) and talked with her- well, I ended up bawling like a big baby on the phone with her.

    I told her she had no idea of the daily struggles my dd was having, how many papers came home with "redo and return" because they were done so poorly in school, that we had to do them at home, how much time we spend on spelling words each week just to get her to barely pass, etc.

    Anyway we are having another meeting on Thursday to re-discuss and see what can be done. I know I am going to have a very difficult time not crying at the meeting (plus AF will be here, which will just make my emotions worse).

    So, if anyone has any words of wisdom, I would certainly appreciate them!

    Thanks!

    Kristin

  2. #2
    Suzi is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Take a deep breath...

    and go in fighting instead! Get mad that they are trying to say that her disability isn't bad enough to have services/accomodations at school. This is what schools try to pull all of the time and it is really, truly disgusting and sad. I'd go in fighting. I'd also try to find some private services if you can swing it financially. I can say that whatever you can get at school probably will not be enough.

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    zoeyz is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    I know how those meetings go. I was so sick and tired at one meeting last year that I could have cried. They had no idea the management we do to get our kid through the school year. They just wanted me to sign on the dotted line so they could check me off as having had a meeting.

    My words of wisdom are: You are your daughter's advocate, let that empower you. It's stressful because it's like on the job training and you don't know exactly how to do it all yet, but you will figure it out. One thing that might help in the meeting is to outline your points ahead of time and have that with you to get you back on track if you get emotional. Write down what you want out of the meeting. If you don't know what you want, tell them your daughter's problems and ask them how they think they can help her. Good luck.

  4. #4
    dulaney is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Thanks Suzi and zoeyz (m)

    I really appreciate it! I just don't want to look like a complete idiot if I start crying. Suzi- Alexis is getting some outside tutoring. I'm still not sure it's enough, but the tutor is trained in helping with dyslexia. It's not really a money issue (although $49/hour is steep), it's more of how much time can you put your child through tutoring/extra help when she HATES to read, ya know?

    zoeyz- Yes, I will go in with a list of questions/concerns. I have also been saving homework papers and tests to take with me, so that I can Prove my point.

    thanks to both of you!

    Kristin

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    My advice: first, I might want to confirm with an optometrist that dyslexia is the problem, as opposed to some other, similar vision issue (assuming the school did not already employ an optometrist to do the evaluation). www.covd.org is a good place to find the kind of optometrist who deals with this.

    If it's something other than dyslexia (and there are plenty of other kinds of vision issues), it's next to impossible to get the school district to pay for help (glasses and vision therapy are not things dealt with by the school district). But with dyslexia, I'm not sure. There might be a small chance. Here's an article from the newspaper from the other day, about how someone got our school district to begin to do something about dyslexia. http://www.denverpost.com/search/ci_7113766 (and don't forget to read the comments following - there might be some helpful info in there). I just knew when I read this that someone here would need this info.

    A few more links for you:

    http://www.visiontherapystories.org/ see section on dyslexia

    http://www.children-special-needs.or..._dyslexic.html

    To be the best advocate you can be, you need all the info you can get. Besides the above links, I'd research the dickens out of dyslexia. hope this helps--
    beth

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    One thought... take a friend. Sometimes having someone to ground you.. or just give you a look to help keep you focused. If that doesn't work... just go ahead and cry, and then have in mind specifically what you need to accomplish and make sure you regroup and just keep your eyes on what you need to do. It's ok to show that you are human, but you also want to come accross as someone who know's exactly what is going on.. and what needs to be done. You can do this!

    Best wishes and ((hugs)) I know it is hard!!!

    -Joy

  7. #7
    Suzi is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Yes, I know..

    Quote Originally Posted by dulaney
    I really appreciate it! I just don't want to look like a complete idiot if I start crying. Suzi- Alexis is getting some outside tutoring. I'm still not sure it's enough, but the tutor is trained in helping with dyslexia. It's not really a money issue (although $49/hour is steep), it's more of how much time can you put your child through tutoring/extra help when she HATES to read, ya know?

    zoeyz- Yes, I will go in with a list of questions/concerns. I have also been saving homework papers and tests to take with me, so that I can Prove my point.

    thanks to both of you!

    Kristin

    Katy hated her therapy, but it was so worth it to push it every chance we got. She had it every day at her LD school. She has a little friend who had a milder dx and she stayed in the public school system and got help there 2 days a week. 4 years later, this little girl still cannot read, has to have her tests read to her, etc. while Katy is fully reading on her own and with no accomodations at school. What her school did in the beginning was not push hard reading with her. She read the simplest things. Then the I had to read 20 minutes a night out of higher level book to her. That way they still remediate and get to build their vocabulary and exposure to grade level + books along with their peers. You'll do great! Report back!

  8. #8
    Christine S Guest

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    You have good advice already. I think we've all been in your shoes at one point. We had a meeting about T a couple years ago where they sat there and told me my son was PERFECTLY FINE. Despite the SID and ADHD dx we had received from private professionals. Everything they said went totally against all the other reports we had. And meanwhile, while they are telling me how normal my son is, he is under the table in a fetal position making weird noises. I was so stunned with their report i couldnt' say a word. Not a word. (and I'm NEVER rendered speechless!)

    Anyhow, I totally agree with going in with a list of issues. Make sure you have specific examples. Homework pages that show her issues. Do you have any reports/evals from other professionals? Is she under someone's care at the moment and can that person go with you? That was one of the things I wished I had done at T's meeting...bring backup.

    Don't take anything they tell you w/o questioning it. Do your research today and know what you are talking about. Know what she has a right to receive. Absolutely don't sign anything that you do not agree with.

    Suzi is right - go in FIGHTING for her. She has a right to get help. She has a right to receive accomodations. She should not go through school struggling.

    (((Hugs))) And good luck!

    C

  9. #9
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    I'll agree with Beth's advice. My dd has dysgraphia which is a relative of dyslexia but it deals with difficulty with written expression. My school has not been helpful with finding out what is wrong with dd at all. She reads on grade level and she can do math really well but writing is a different story all together. We have had to learn to be an advocate for her. The school could not answer the question that my dd, with a high IQ, cannot write a sentence so that you can understand it. It was then that I knew that it was my responsibility to figure out what was going on.

    Finally after seeing a Developmental (or Behavioral) Optometrist we have answers! We are doing Vision Therapy with her and her hand writing is improving. We went to a P/T conference on Monday and her teacher showed writing samples from the beginning of the year (7 weeks ago) to last week. In the middle of that she has had 6 weeks of Vision Therapy. It was a remarkable change! I absolutely agree that you need to get your dd's vision tested by one of these specialized optometrists.

    The last link has the name of our Optometrist on it. He is very involved in educating the public on this issue.

    As far as the crying goes I can relate. I can't begin to tell you how much I've cried during these meetings. I think it's because I love my child so fiercely and it is so hard to watch them struggle and know that the school it not going to help. You feel hopeless. I want you to know that YOU do not need to feel that way. You do NOT have to sign anything if you don't agree with what they are saying. I'd rather make that statement than cry. You can do it without crying but just say that your child is being let down by the school and you will be back with any evidence you find otherwise.

    (((HUGS))) I'll be thinking hard about you as you are in that meeting and praying you can get through it without crying.

    Paula

  10. #10
    dulaney is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Thanks for all the great info (m)

    Quote Originally Posted by wapiti
    My advice: first, I might want to confirm with an optometrist that dyslexia is the problem, as opposed to some other, similar vision issue (assuming the school did not already employ an optometrist to do the evaluation). www.covd.org is a good place to find the kind of optometrist who deals with this.

    If it's something other than dyslexia (and there are plenty of other kinds of vision issues), it's next to impossible to get the school district to pay for help (glasses and vision therapy are not things dealt with by the school district). But with dyslexia, I'm not sure. There might be a small chance. Here's an article from the newspaper from the other day, about how someone got our school district to begin to do something about dyslexia. http://www.denverpost.com/search/ci_7113766 (and don't forget to read the comments following - there might be some helpful info in there). I just knew when I read this that someone here would need this info.

    A few more links for you:

    http://www.visiontherapystories.org/ see section on dyslexia

    http://www.children-special-needs.or..._dyslexic.html

    To be the best advocate you can be, you need all the info you can get. Besides the above links, I'd research the dickens out of dyslexia. hope this helps--
    beth
    My dd has actually been to see the exact doctor that pulls up when I type in my zip code. He has given her a thorough eye exam two years in a row. We actually did initially get her glasses, thinking that was part of the problem- but it wasn't! The glasses themselves did nothing to help with her reading. I think I will schedule another appt now that we have the dx of dyslexia.

    Thanks for all the info- very helpful!

    Kristin

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