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Thread: Overprotective mom or ??

  1. #1
    danellsar is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
    Join Date
    Jan 2006

    Default Overprotective mom or ??

    OK, I know I obsess on certain things, but I see things. After what we've been through with dd (Aspergers and etc), maybe I look too closely at ds? My dh says that the things I notice are just normal kid stuff. So why can't I just let it go?

    So, would these things raise red flags for you (given your experiences)....
    Toe walking (often)...
    Lining up toys...
    Getting overstimmed due to excitement, noise, or an overly "busy" environment (like a shopping mall)...
    When overexcited, unable to make or sustain eye contact...
    When overexcited, speech and language goes way downhill (usually has excellent speech for his age)...
    Not particularly social...
    Fine motor delays (approx 15 mos below age level as of last eval with OT)...
    Feeding delays...

    I agree with dh that any 1 or 2 of these things, in isolation, would be normal. I get concerned because I see all of these things in my ds a lot of the time.

    On the plus side, he's way above his age level on speech, cognitive skills, and gross motor skills. He's bright, affectionate to family and close friends, and very inquisitive. He loves reading and puzzles and running around.

    So, am I whacky and looking for things that aren't there?

  2. #2
    psilverman is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
    Join Date
    Aug 2006

    Default Isn't it hard!! But, I think a mom's instincts are pretty strong!

    If I were you, I'd have him evaluated so that if you are on the right track, you'll get the early intervention he needs. If you are "overprotective" then you just get an answer -- but maybe referrals for some individual services to address some of these things.

    My son is very mild PDD NOS (although some suspect Aspergers combined with an auditory processing delay that disguises itself as PDD NOS). That is what makes it hard. He doesn't have extreme symptoms, and he doesn't have all symptoms, but in the aggregate, he needs help.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2007


    You just can't help but to compare - I do it all day long, worried that I must be in denial about one of them, etc. However, all the things you have listed are things that one of my ds's has done in the past, and he's not on any spectrum, he doesn't even have SPD like his sibs. How old is your ds?

    Because a normal child can do all the things you list (except for the delayed fine motor, which can easily be it's own problem, in and of itself), I would get the symptom list for Aspergers and focus on the ones that are non-negotiable for a diagnosis - with Aspergers, I don't know what those are. As an example, with autism, such symptoms would be the "core deficits in emotional empathy and social affiliation" (described in The Mislabeled Child). The book goes on to say that children who do not have serious deficits in their ability to understand or empathize with the emotional life of others, in their desire to be with others, and in their desire to imitate or be like others, should not be considered autistic.

    Is he getting OT for sensory processing disorder, or for fine motor, or both?

    Ugh - I hate all the wondering. I do like that book I mentioned though - it discusses the overlap between all kinds of issues.

  4. #4
    JulieATL is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
    Join Date
    Sep 2007

    Default It's natural to be highly sensitive to these traits in your ds.....m

    and of course all of those symptoms individually can be quite typical, but in conjunction together can point to some sort of developmental issue. A lot of times, you have to look at the symptoms in context and determine whether or not they interfere with daily functioning. It's pretty common to have more than one biological child on the spectrum in the family, so no, you're not being overprotective or paranoid or anything. Because of your experience with your dd, I'm sure you know how important it is to have early evaluations and early treatment, if it's recommended. I can't see a downside to at least having one or two further assessments, not sure how old ds is, if you'd still be looking at the government funded Early Intervention, or through the private sector, but in any case, why not? You mentioned in your email the following:

    <<quote - Fine motor delays (approx 15 mos below age level as of last eval with OT)...>>

    So he has already been assessed in the past and gotten some treatment, what does your OT say?

    You can't let it go, because you've been down a long road with your dd and you want to make sure you do everything you can for both of your children. There's nothing you need to let go. But you can get answers.

    I can't see you regretting the decision for further evaluation, versus not having him looked at.

    Best of everything,

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2006


    For your own peace of mind . . I'd say get an eval. *Not* because I think that normal kids don't do these things -- some do. But you are highly sensitive to the issue, and you know that the earlier intervention comes the better, and I doubt that you will be able to put it out of your head (nor want to). So, I say go for it on an eval.

    As one excellent doctor I adore said to me: "I have never met a whacky mom; when moms say there is something going on, there usually is." And this from a biochemical geneticist who trusts moms who "just know" that there is something biochemical going wrong with their child!

    I do think that sensory processing is a common thread in everything that you mentioned. Everything, including the fine motor and feeding difficulties. The reaction to overexcitement, inability to self-regulate in a highly stimulating environment, toe walking, lining stuff up (attempting to impose order, in a child easily overwhelmed by chaos) -- all of it. Is he getting OT for the fine motor? If so, is his OT trained in SID/SPD? I would try to start with an OT eval that includes sensory processsing.

    Good luck!


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