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Thread: Update on abuse from child dev center last

  1. #1
    angeleena is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Update on abuse from child dev center last

    August.

    Maybe some of you remember that dd Ella came home with bruising on her legs, and back from the teacher at the child care co-op that she was in - it was in August. They were fingerprint looking bruises.

    Ella said that the teacher had held her down "Hard" on her sleeping cot and that the teacher had hurt her back and legs. Ella admitted that she had scratched the teacher on purpose when the teacher was holding her down.

    Well, we had a meeting with the director and the early intervention people (for support) and the director was pretty laid back about hte entire event and really did a number on us emotionally. We pulled our daughter out of the school THAT DAY. We had *thought* that something would be done but just found out that THE SAME teacher is teaching the youngest class at the same school. OMG.

    The director did NOTHING.

    We called every single agency we could find and even the police who responded, even after 3 months. She has a case file and is being interviewed by a forensic psychologist next week.

    Yes, we should have done all of this right when it happened. However, we let ourselves be duped into thinking that she would "do the right thing." There were a lot of strange emotions involved. (the director acted like she did not believe us, and our SN kid...and that we had something personal against the teacher, which of course we did not) We did not know that the teacher would not have anything happen to her...and also nothing was reported to any agencies...The director is a "mandatory reporter" and should have reported it herself!

    Also, we did not know that dd would be so affected. She has slept in our bed ever since it happened and has brought up this evil teacher often, still...even now. She has had a lot of anxiety over this. We have tried to let her talk about it as much as she needs to. It has surprised us how much the poor kid is bothered by this. I think we are going to get her some counseling about it even though we are pretty good about talking with her, it might help her to talk to a professional.

    We got so p*ssed off that the teacher is STILL teaching little kids..and maybe hurting them.....and ella asked "Is XXXX hurting my friends at my old school!?" It broke our hearts! We wrote a really great, very long DETAILED letter to the PRESIDENT of the college that runs the school about what this teacher did to our girl, and our fears of her hurting other kids. We have a feeling that the director of the child care program and the teacher are going to get some heat now. This was handled VERY POORLY by the director and she does not deserve to have her position. There are about 300 children in this school, so she has a lot of them under her care and she SHOULD Have cared enough to further investigate our "allegations."

    So, the S*IT is hitting the fan at the old school.

    There is a HUGE WEIGHT off of our chests. We have been very disturbed for the past 3 months about this event. We feel like there is going to be some closure for ella and for us. It was really stressful for all of us.

    The other thing is that we all miss the old school (not this specific teacher of course, as she was only the summer session teacher) but for 2 years prior we had a wonderful experience. We have not found a good replacement for dd, and I have had trouble with my part time college school work because of no real care for dd, except 3 hours of preschool 4 days a week, which is barely enough for me to even drive to my classes. (45 min drive each way) And, the classes are not even offered during those 3 hours anyway.
    HOWEVER, Ella is at a plce where we KNOW that she is safe and that she really likes....so that is what really matters.

    So, there is the update...if you made it this far THANKS for reading this.

    -Angi

  2. #2
    sugarsue is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Somehow I missed the other post

    your original post when this happened I think. I am so sorry that this happened! How awful. I am very glad that it is getting the attention that it deserves now. I am so glad you wrote the letter and got the authorities involved.

    Hugs! I know you will help Ella to talk about what happened and work through her feelings.

    Susan

  3. #3
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    You go, Angi! I am so happy to hear that you have been able to get the attention and support you deserve from the police and the university. This is a trauma that your family will work through, and it would be horribly unfair if the only consequences were those borne by you!

    I have heard many chid psychologists say that healing, for a child, comes from knowing that she is believed and supported by the people she loves. I think the fact that you are pursuing this will *itself* help Ella. The fact that she is worried about her friends is so touching. And I bet it's been the perfect opportunity to reassure her that the bad teacher will not be permitted to hurt other kids.

    Good for you! I am so happy to hear that you, too, are getting some peace from the process of pursuing this.

    Lisa

  4. #4
    angeleena is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Thanks for your replies. Yes, it is a really HUGE weight lifted off of me. I have felt happy again for days, when I had been pretty stressed/down since this happened.

    It really makes me feel strong and good that we are doing the right thing.

    I am going hate running into this director at school but oh well! :-)

    (small campus!)

    I think she better stay far away from me!

    -Angi

  5. #5
    JulieATL is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Wow, I can't believe you have had to go through this.......m

    I'm sure I never saw your original reply, I'm not even sure I was posting 3 months ago. You are so on top of things, don't regret or feel bad that you didn't push things along faster before. You didn't know that the powers that be were not taking care of it as ithey should have been. You're right, the Director is a mandatory reporter, and it's scary that she held back.

    You talked about taking Ella to a counselor, and if you haven't already, I'd highly advise it. Although just as you said, you are creating a loving, accepting atomsphere where Ella can talk openly about her feelings and experiences, you are also involved in the situation and not objective. You had an emotional investment and she will take cues from your reactions. It is often very helpful to have an objective therapist who is trained to work with children talk with a child, because often kids will hold back on what they say for fear of hurting the parents' feelings, or not wanting to worry them, and just knowing they'll have an emotional reaction to everything. Having a safe, objective, person to talk to can really add to the healing process, and also provide someone for you to speak with regarding your feelings about the incident and guide you along as well.

    I wish you all the best, sounds like things are getting better already.

    Regards,
    Julie

  6. #6
    trek is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Glad things are better now. I wonder what the director will do when and if you do run into each other. Let us know. hugs

  7. #7
    angeleena is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    I wonder what the director will do too. However, I hope I can contain myself because when I think of my poor little girl who has suffered with 3 months of anxiety over this I really hope that I do not get really mean. I have never been violent in my life but people who hurt kids, or allow others to hurt kids....really make me mad. Not to mention, she is so lazy, lame, unconcerned that she never reported it...that makes me sooo mad.
    I have been working out and have really strong arms right now! hehe
    (kidding of course! But I do have a fantasy about it!)

    But, if confronted I hope I can respond appropriately and not start crying or something lame.

    -Angi

  8. #8
    JulieATL is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Just wanted to say that.....m

    crying IS an appropriate and completely un-lame response. How else could a loving mother be expected to respond to a person who didn't see the ethical and legal significance of reporting child abuse perpetrated by a person who works directly for them? What's appropriate, shaking her hand and telling her what a nice dress she has on today? Um, no. More like burning holes through her ugly dress with the fire spewing from your squinting eyes and mumbling profanity under your breath while you clench and un-clench your fists. Now that's more like it! (and crying, too.....)

    - Julie

  9. #9
    anniemc2000 is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default What an ordeal for you and dd

    So sorry this happened to dd. I hope it gets appropriately addressed so no other child will ever be hurt.
    Hugs,
    Ann

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