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Thread: Liz, I could use some guidance please. (suicide and loss of brother ment... sorry)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    182

    Default Liz, I could use some guidance please. (suicide and loss of brother ment... sorry)

    My SIL's brother, who was also her very best friend, committed suicide 2 ago Feb 13th. My BIL was a first responder at the time and was 1st on scene to his suicide. It was truly awful. SIL had a pretty severe breakdown, many ER visits, and lots of medications to help her get thru. She still has very severe anxiety attacks that often requires a run to the ER. Over the summer last year she "cut" her arm while doing dishes "on a broken glass". She needed 3-4 pints of blood. BIL and her told everyone that it was a cut she got while doing dishes. Located on the inner side of her elbow, straight across. I knew better and questioned it many times. Got no where. Fast forward to 3 days ago. My BIL is now a paramedic, my DH is a firefighter/EMT. BIL was at work when he called my DH at 1:30am. SIL had cut herself again, and called BIL when she realized that it was bad. BIL had to wait to get someone else to cover his shift before he could leave. (BTW, against all of our advice, they bought the house that her and her brother grew up in last year) My Dh finds her baracaded inside her brothers room, blood everywhere. She used construction shears and cut her wrists. Thankfully not down far enough. DH had to sit on her to get a look at her wrists and found that the bleeding had almost stopped, so didnt call 911. BIL gets there shortly after my DH and they take her to the ER where she gets stitches. Dh comes home very shaken, covered in blood. BIL confirmed with Dh that the first time she cut herself badly was on purpose while doing dishes, with a knife. The hospital, neither time, helped her in any way other than giving her blood and stitches. BIL told my DH to tell no one, myself included... which was too late, DH had already told me when he came home. I am freaking out here. They are doing nothing more. She sees a counselor... but obviously the guy isnt helping her. Dh and I both believe that she will do this again, and next time or the time after she may not get scared at the sight of all the blood a kill herself.
    I dont understand why my BIL wants no one to know, none of her friends... not even her mom or sister. no one. I understand that she is embarrassed, but OMG, who cares. His angelversary is around the corner, and I do everything I can to acknolwledge and help her... she is a very private person and really has her own click of friends that I do not fit into unfortunatly. Is there anything Dh or I can do? Dh is going to talk to his brother (my BIL) but we can only talk so much. What should we be offering as advice to my BIL?
    Im really scared for her. Im really scared for my BIL. And I am completely freaking out.
    Any ideas???

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    67

    Default Tonya - a suggestion

    Tonya - as you know this young woman is in need of significant mental health support - far beyond what she is currently receiving. I am surpirsed that she was not admitted under a psychiatrists care after this latest incident. I am not clear what story was provided when she was at the hopsital. Clearly the collusion of others around her is allowing the problem to persist to the point where she could successfully complete her suicide. You do not mention whether you know the name of her physician or her mental health provider. If you do I would encourage you to call and share your concerns with them. Make clear statements about the two active suicicde attempts that you are aware of - specifically this latest which seems to have once again gone under the radar. You might want to have a family meeting first and either invite your minister or someone who can speak on behalf of the family as a concerned citizen. Often people hide what is really going on under the misguided assumption that things will blow over and that they don't want to cause discord - however - this young woman's family is well aware that an attempt at suicide is a cry for help which if neglected can eventually succeed. You can also consider calling the local police department and reporting that you are aware that this was a suicide attempt and that you are fearful that she reamins a suicide risk. They will be obligated to investigate. However, ulitimately - if she denies her own mental health status it requires a signficant amount of family/medical support to get her committed against her will. However I would suggest that keeping things quiet is never the way to go - let me know what happens - best to you through this Tonya, Liz

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    182

    Default Thank you Liz, my thoughts exactly.

    I will share this with my husband as soon as he gets home today. Thank you, again, so much. Your guidance here is worth more than any amount riches.
    Lova,
    TOnya

  4. #4
    Troy is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default

    I hesitate to post, but I wanted to encourage you to do what Liz suggests, because in my experience, it really can work. Almost 20 years ago, my sister had a psychotic breakdown. The details don't matter, but she had a maddening ability to keep things together with people in authority -- like my parents and her therapist -- which kept them from understanding how seriously ill she was. She was more honest with me (and by that, I mean, less guarded about exposing her demons and delusions). I got the name of her therapist and when he told me that he couldn't talk about patients, I said, I don't want you to tell me anything, I want to tell you something, and then proceeded with: If you had patient K, here are some things you should know, and listed everything that I could think of. Even though we were on the phone, I could tell that he was shocked -- whether at her symptoms or that he had been treating her and had no idea that things were that bad, I don't know. He kept saying, "I had no idea that things were this serious." My sister still resisted treatment, but at least her therapists knew the full story.

    Good luck.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    67

    Default These are strange message

    I am not sure what all of these previous messages have been about - they don't seem to be linked to any other posts - I am looking into them Liz

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