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Thread: Hurts almost as much(IF ment)

  1. #1
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    Default Hurts almost as much(IF ment)

    My dd has an autism spectrum disorder. For many reasons, it appears that some of her friends are moving on and she is kind of home alone with no invites or phone calls.
    And...I am watching all of her friends get invites to parties and playdates and dd hasn't really been included.
    It is almost as painful as the infertility...except...with special needs you aren't sure if there is going to be a beginning and an ending. With IF, I always knew that it would end one way or the other...birth or adoption...it was just a matter of when for me as I was open to adoption. This...who knows...is this her future. I feel bad for her, but just as I think I have accepted how our family is, you realize something else is happening and the grieving comes back.

    Anyone else.
    Joy

  2. #2
    sugarsue is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Hugs Joy

    It is heart breaking to realize things are not what you expected and to know your child has a hard road ahead. You are a great Mom and I know you will find ways to find new friends or incorporate former ones into her life or other things that will help her have a full life.



    Susan

  3. #3
    ReneeNJ's Avatar
    ReneeNJ is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    I can imagine how hard it is. DD has a good friend who is somewhere on the spectrum. Her mom makes an effort to invite DD over for playdates etc. Emma loves this girl so she does -- Emma fully understands that O is the way O is and she's not going to change. Is there someone that you can start encouraging this friendship with? O started w/ Emma and b/c of Emma, O's circle has expanded into Emma's friends as well -- all of them being understanding of O.

    Just some food for thought and ((((((HUGS)))))))

    Renee

  4. #4
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    Thanks...DD had a nice circle last year...developed over two years. Parents are wonderful...we had/have kids over etc....
    Without getting into too much detail...this fell apart this year for a lot of reasons and a lot of these kids who dd considered her best friends have moved on.
    Things were going much like you described in your e-mail...but one school year seemed to mess it up. It is very frustrating.
    Joy

  5. #5
    Reese14 is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Oh Joy

    I sit here in tears reading your post. I am so sorry for all that you and your daughter are going through. It hurts so much to watch the others pass you by, when you should be right there with them.

    The one thing having a SN child has taught me (and I am sure many others) is the kindness and compassion of other people, as well as the ignorance. I have never viewed the world the same since I had my DS. The people I gravitate toward are those who are most tolerant and who love/are kind to my DS despite his challenges. For me, it truly shows the true character of people.

    I really hope your sweet girl can find a friend or two that she clicks well with. Having little friends at this age is so important and I am sorry she is hurting. I almost think it hurts you, as the mom, just as much.

    (((Hugs))) to you both.

  6. #6
    trek is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    you hit the nail on the head. For a lot of kiddos with SN its finding friends. I think it is hardest thing for a lot of ASD kiddos who are high functioning. Kids are cruel and making friends is tough but add a disability and it can be horrid. A friend can make school bearable, can make weekends something to look forward to, but no friends well it can be devastating.
    All it takes is one friend. How old is your dd now? My 9.5 year old is struggling-lots of teasing going on as well this year.

    Wendy

  7. #7
    danellsar is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    My dd also is on the spectrum. It's been a long hard road, one we're still trudging along. No answers, just .
    Ellen

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