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Thread: When to say "enough?"

  1. #11
    maryellen is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    This is such an interesting topic... I think almost *all* women, IF or not, mourn the end of their fertility/baby making days. For those of us who are IF, it just happens sooner/before we are ready to stop/before we ever even give birth.

    My perspective on this is different. While I decided long ago that TTC was no longer part of our lives, I haven't yet said that we'll never add another child to our family. I don't know that I ever will, quite honestly. Age and health concerns aren't really a factor for us, so the fact that I'm pushing 42 doesn't matter. I've always hoped to be able to adopt an older child, but I won't do so until my DD is older (I won't adopt out of birth order for her safety). I am at peace with our decision to never TTC again, but I don't know that I'll ever say we're done adopting. I can't say it now.

    Anyway, I digress... my point is that I think that no matter whether you are IF or not, there is a time in every woman's life when she has to say goodbye to getting pg and having babies. I think it's bittersweet no matter what. There will be feelings of uncertainty and doubt. But, as emotional as it is the decision to add to your family or not (now matter how you do it) has to be done with the family that you already have foremost in your mind. IMHO, sadness over saying goodbye to that part of your life isn't a good enough reason (if it were, having another baby wouldn't solve the problem anyway... eventually you have to stop! LOL)

  2. #12
    Join Date
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    Default Lots to think about (lots ment)

    Thank you, ladies, for taking time to share your thoughts and experiences. We are at what feels like a crossroad and we're having a difficult time deciding where to go from here. After 6+ years of the never-ending cycle of pregnancy/nursing/ttc/miscarrying/recovering/pregnancy/nursing/ttc/etc I think we're both just weary. But yet we feel like three children would truly complete our family and there is still that little voice that is urging us forward.

    My body really can only handle one more full-term pregnancy . . . we conceived last month but had a loss at 5 weeks , our third miscarriage. As my dh and I reflected on this most recent cycle we both felt that we are keeping things much more in perspective than when we were trying for number two - we were desperate to give our oldest a sibling and were so grateful when our second son was born.

    Sometimes the thought of calling it quits is appealing, though. I feel like we could "get on with life" - even though we are very conscious of living life to the fullest every day with our boys. We could put it on the back burner for a while, but our fertility situation isn't going to improve and my dh is more of the now-or-never mindset I guess.

    So, no clear answers - just lots of thoughts going around in my head.

  3. #13
    pepperlc is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    It really wasn't hard for me. I knew I didn't want to deal with the exhaustion, late nights, diapers and bottles. I was happy just watching my kids grow up. I also had 3 kids in less than 1 year (twins plus one) so I was pretty wiped out. I am really happy to be where we are now. My dd will be 5 on friday and my twins will be 6 in 2 weeks.

    karen

  4. #14
    SharonB is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    It's tough, but for us, after having twins (and one 2 yrs older) and going through all the trials of IVF for the 3rd time, we just were done. We didn't have the energy, the money, or the time to even consider having another, quite honestly. I really loved being pregnant, so it was bittersweet, but I also knew that we really couldn't handle another child without stretching everyone to the limit.

    I am glad we made the decision we did, but I do get a little twinge now and then when I look at my pg coworkers! My twins are now 8, and I wouldn't want to go back to that baby stage, but there is just something so wonderful about bringing a new life into the world. It's awesome.

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