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Thread: Does your SN kid ever go stay with their grandparents?

  1. #1
    danellsar is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Does your SN kid ever go stay with their grandparents?

    Just curious. When my girl goes to stay with grandma, there are no rules. She keeps to my parents' hours, which are not at all conducive to a kid with a need for sleep and regular times. They let her pretty much have her own way, and then complain to me when she starts melting down. The worst is when she comes home. She's out of control, screaming and yelling, banging doors. It's AWFUL!

    She just went and spent a week with my mom. It should have been 4-5 days, but things kept getting delayed, and it ended up being 7. From her behavior, you'd think she'd NEVER been on any type of medication. If I had to guess, I'd say she's been throwing it away and telling her g'ma that she already took it. That plus a full week of doing what she wanted, no one controlling her diet, and all the tv and computer time she wants, are making this not much of a good homecoming.

    This happens every single time. Makes me want to not let her go.
    Ellen

  2. #2
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    Default Yes....but

    My mom is pretty structured like me....thinks kids need to be in bed at a certain time yada, yada, yada...doesn't let her eat whatever she wants...is strict.
    Same mom I grew up with.

    This is probably silly to suggest...I'm sure you thought of it on your own and I already have figured the answer....
    Is there any way to tell gram that you child needs a schedule like she needs air?

    Joy









    Quote Originally Posted by danellsar View Post
    Just curious. When my girl goes to stay with grandma, there are no rules. She keeps to my parents' hours, which are not at all conducive to a kid with a need for sleep and regular times. They let her pretty much have her own way, and then complain to me when she starts melting down. The worst is when she comes home. She's out of control, screaming and yelling, banging doors. It's AWFUL!

    She just went and spent a week with my mom. It should have been 4-5 days, but things kept getting delayed, and it ended up being 7. From her behavior, you'd think she'd NEVER been on any type of medication. If I had to guess, I'd say she's been throwing it away and telling her g'ma that she already took it. That plus a full week of doing what she wanted, no one controlling her diet, and all the tv and computer time she wants, are making this not much of a good homecoming.

    This happens every single time. Makes me want to not let her go.
    Ellen

  3. #3
    danellsar is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Joy- I joke with my dh that this is NOT the woman who raised me!! Something about being a grandmother has totally scrambled my mom's brains. She would never ever ever have let me get away with the cr@p that she lets dd do.

    I told dd she had to have lights out by 10 PM last night. She fell asleep (in our guest room, but you can't have everything) at 9:45, and is still asleep at 8 am. No, she wasn't tired at all!
    Ellen

  4. #4
    trek is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    My older son Grant(almost 10) stays with my IL's who are WONDERFUL and he has since he was 3 years old.

    Now my parent's are a different story, we attempted it with Grant and them 2 years ago and it did not go so well. But we will try again next week-see what happens.

    Holt not yet for many reasons.

  5. #5
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    Default (((Ellen)))

    My parents follow our guidelines well. They know Morgan and know that we are trying our best to find what works for her and what doesnt. My in laws however... no such luck... in fact, they do the opposite of what we are trying, therefore.. Morgan NEVER spends the night there. Staying with Grandparents should be fun and memorable. Your parents arent doing her any justices, so i would hesitate to send her again until they are ready to follow guidlines, with a little leeway.
    ((hugs))
    Tonya

  6. #6
    BriNJ is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    My mom took care of DS while I worked when he was at his worse- most of his schedules and the things that work for him came from her. So I found myself running HER schedule, lol. My inlaws on the other hand are awful- I cannot even trust that they'll pay attention to food allergies. We no longer allow my inlaws to have the kids alone because of this.

    I think you need to have a long talk with your mom and with your DD about why these "rules" are in place. My guess is that they'd have a nicer visit if they followed them and enjoy each other more. If your parents wont at least meet part way, I'd honestly think about cutting the visits until your DD is a bit more capable of taking care of her own needs (ie: sleep and food).

  7. #7
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    Default yes...my parents are my break!

    couldn't do this without them...and they are great about keeping Alex in his routine. He's pretty flexible, but they are great about making sure he doesn't get too overly stimulated, etc.

    I am sorry you are having a tough tie getting yuor dd back on track...it's tough...you need the break BUT....

    I'd let your mom kow what the after effects are. Would that make her mad?

    Best wishes!

    Kathie




    Quote Originally Posted by danellsar View Post
    Just curious. When my girl goes to stay with grandma, there are no rules. She keeps to my parents' hours, which are not at all conducive to a kid with a need for sleep and regular times. They let her pretty much have her own way, and then complain to me when she starts melting down. The worst is when she comes home. She's out of control, screaming and yelling, banging doors. It's AWFUL!

    She just went and spent a week with my mom. It should have been 4-5 days, but things kept getting delayed, and it ended up being 7. From her behavior, you'd think she'd NEVER been on any type of medication. If I had to guess, I'd say she's been throwing it away and telling her g'ma that she already took it. That plus a full week of doing what she wanted, no one controlling her diet, and all the tv and computer time she wants, are making this not much of a good homecoming.

    This happens every single time. Makes me want to not let her go.
    Ellen

  8. #8
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    Default

    We have a similar problem although maybe a little less painful, only because my ds's bad reaction to the TV, lack of sleep, etc. is to get completely spaced out, repetitive, absorbed into his obsessions. Homecomings are hard for us, too. I can't really offer any solutions. My in-laws know the rules, and we have explained the connection to his behavior, but just don't follow through. I don't really know why. Wish I could help!

    Lisa

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