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Thread: Dr. Liz - are you still on this message board?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2009

    Default Dr. Liz - are you still on this message board?

    Hi, I am new to this site and it looks like no one has posted anything for a while. I am having my 4th miscarraige right now and am devestated. I just wondered if anyone has any advice on how to cope with this overwhelming dissapointment and sadness. I feel like for me, this is such old news, having been through it before, but I can't just ignore it either.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2008

    Default Hi There

    Hi There Jenn - yes I am still on the Message Board but as you said - it seems to have been very quiet lately - I am not sure what that is about.

    Hopefully you will get some responses from regulars on the Board who have been where you are.

    The struggle to continue trying to get pregnant when you have such a legacy of loss takes an enormous amount of courage. I hope that you have found yourself a good high risk obstetrician who can help you to figure out what is going on?

    Every positive pregnancy test represents the commitment you have made to build a family and can involve a tremendous amount of grief and recovery. Clearly this differs in degree for everybody - some people find that it is really helpful to commemorate the babies they have lost and others feel a need to move to the next attempt in order to heal. I cannot tell from your post whether you have good support around you - it is critical to have one or two people who understand what you are going through - beyond your partner - who is also likely experiencing their own mourning. Clearly this is a different experience for you than your partner as it is your body that is going through the physical pain despite the shared emotional experience.

    If you have not done so - it is important to go through all the medical information that you have from each pregnancy i.e. number of weeks each pregnancy lasted, hormone levels, whether there was a heart beat, results of any genetic testing that has been done, any lifestyle concerns or high risk factors that have not been fully addressed etc. You might consider taking adequate time off to recover and perhaps look for a therapist to talk through the devastation that you feel and to help you navigate what you would like to do next and when.

    It is important not to let hopelessness overwhelm you although I understand that right now you likely wonder whether this can ever happen for you. I have worked with many women in your situation and it is possible to get to a place where the baby you so long for will be yours. I don't know that the length of time has been between each pregnancy or what your particular story is - please know that the pain lessens even if it is not forgotten. You might try and locate a support group in your area for women/couples who have gone through multiple losses - if you go to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine website (here is the link:
    you will be able to find a counselor in your area - I believe that a good therapist can help you move through this sad period so that you have the strength to try again - kindest to you Liz

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2006

    Default Hi Jenn,

    I am so sorry for your loss. Have you considered doing something special in memory of your babies? I have an angel garden and I find such comfort when I see it. I have tons of plants and a few special angel statues and quotes around it. When my friends come over I move the fire pit out to the garden, and even tho my friends dont know the meaning of the garden, it makes me feel so good to be out in it with friends... and alone.
    (((hugs))) There is no easy way to get thru these feelings of intense grief... but there are outlets that you can pour that grief and love into in memory of your babies, that will bring comfort.


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2008


    I haven't been on the board for a while. I have had three miscarriages, after two healthy DD's in 2001 and 2003. My problem is and was my age. I was 44 when I had my last one and had to have a D & C and at that time, had my tubes tied. I knew I couldn't take the dissappointment and emotional roller coaster anymore. It was hard and hardly a day goes by that I don't think about my losses. My aunt made a bracelet for me this year with crystal birth stones for the three I lost and I wear it all the time and it helps soften the pain of the loss. Maybe something very normal can have special meaning to you and give you comfort.

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