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Thread: DS missed boy scouts today, but my best friend was

  1. #1
    chris s is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default DS missed boy scouts today, but my best friend was

    there with her son who is in the troop so she was there. Anyhow, the pack leader, who's son has had many playdates w/DS, when he saw that DS was not there said "It's going to be a calm night, the wacko's gone." I am beyond upset....Advice?
    Thanks
    Chris

  2. #2
    danellsar is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Wait, the adult leader said that? In front of the kids? What the heck kind of roll model is that? Geesh..............

    I think I'd find a different pack.
    Ellen

  3. #3
    angeleena is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Chris,
    I am so sorry. I have tears just reading it.

    What a jackass.

    I want to know his name/phone number so I can call and tell him what I think of him and his rude and TERRIBLE behavior.

    I am not sure if I would pull him out or keep going. Probably keep going and write him one hell of an email....but that is just me.

    Sorry this happened. It breaks my heart for you guys.



    Angi

  4. #4
    chris s is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Thanks, it is unimaginable to me. I talked to a friend of mine

    who's boys are Eagle Scouts, she is going to talk to the Leader/Council, and file a complaint. Amazingly, my DH is not very sympathetic, he is like 'Staci (my friend who was there) didn't understand, she took it the wrong way, he wasn't talking about DS, they have been to our house, DS has been to theirs.." what b.s. in my opinion. It doesn't matter who he said it about, it is a terrible, inappropriate thing to say.
    I am I making too much of this? I was really upset....
    Chris

  5. #5
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    Default That is horrible...

    I don't know what I would do. I am glad your friend, a witness, is willing to file a report. We have had nothing but support from my dd's brownie leaders. I would be crushed to hear if anyone said anything like this. Who wants to send their kid somewhere where they know that adults don't want them there?
    Joy.










    Quote Originally Posted by chris s View Post
    who's boys are Eagle Scouts, she is going to talk to the Leader/Council, and file a complaint. Amazingly, my DH is not very sympathetic, he is like 'Staci (my friend who was there) didn't understand, she took it the wrong way, he wasn't talking about DS, they have been to our house, DS has been to theirs.." what b.s. in my opinion. It doesn't matter who he said it about, it is a terrible, inappropriate thing to say.
    I am I making too much of this? I was really upset....
    Chris

  6. #6
    mckenziecat is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default ok, I'll admit to a double standard here

    If a mom had said this, I would have thought it was highly inappropriate and been upset. But in all honesty, men just don't think about this stuff. And also, you weren't there, you really don't know the circumstances or tone of what was said or if any of the kids heard this (or if they did, if they understood). I personally would call him and explain what you heard and give him a chance to apologize. I'll say it again, men just don't think.

    I don't want to absolve him, but if you are brutally honest with yourself, why do you think anyone would say this about your ds? I have a friend whose ds is a handful and she knows it. I frankly used to think she was mean to him she was so strict, til I got to know him. He's still a great kid that I adore and is a great friend to ds. I love this kid, truly, because he is a great kid. But, he is also extraordinarily bright and likes to push the envelope just to see if he can. I don't think the term whacko would be used to describe him, but I can see myself calling him something else (eddie haskell comes to mind)and not meaning to be mean. And again, men just don't think. If your ds is the bouncy, high energy kid, it's not a tactful or appropriate thing to say - clearly, but I can see how a man would say it and truly not mean anything by it, and not understand just how inappropriate it is.

    What this guy said was stupid and most of all, hurtful. I'd bet money he would apologize and feel badly if it was pointed out to him - especially by his wife. But he is more likely clueless than malicious. I have had to have conversations with my dh like "you do NOT reprimand another child while their parent is there, that is overstepping" and he's like really? huh?

    I'm so sorry, hugs to you,
    beth

  7. #7
    pepperlc is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    I would go nuts on that person.

  8. #8
    Reese14 is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Downright cruel

    and incredibly inappropriate in front of the other children.

    I'm not sure though, if someone was talking about one of my friend's kids, that I would tell them. It only hurts the parent. Not sure why your friend told you. I can see her complaining to the head honcho but telling you only causes more hurt.

  9. #9
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    Default I would file a complaint (m)

    even if you have a relationship with this family, what was said was incredibly rude and inappropriate especially if it was done infront of other children - as a one parent to another parent comment I would still find it very rude, but probably would not file a complaint. Even if he is a guy who is maybe a bit less sensitive about labels and maybe said something before he thought about how it came across, or even meant it in an affectionate sort of way, in this day and age those sort of 'crazy' 'wacko' 'nuts' labels are far from okay, especially when referring to a child with a developmental/emotional/behavioural disorder in front of other children.

    I think you need to file a complaint to help dimish the use of this sort of language because what exactly is this leader teaching the kids in the group? Also, speaking as a parent who also has neurotypical kids, I would not want my NT kids being modelled that sort of inappropriate way of referring to a disabled/different child.

    So sorry you had to experience this.

    Amanda

  10. #10
    jeninnc is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    unbelievable. File the complaint. Totally inappropriate for a boy scout leader.

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