Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: argh. I could use some spare hugs.

  1. #1
    ybab is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    2,542

    Default argh. I could use some spare hugs.

    My DS is in 3rd grade. He had the same teacher for grades 1/2, and she loved him. She appreciated his humor and his intelligence and saw that he had challenges but still seemed to enjoy him as a person. Well, now we're on to a new teacher and she doesn't seem to like him much at all (he's actually corrected her spelling a few times and I don't think that went over well). She thinks he should get more help with his social skills, which I'm sure is true but hard to hear. Meanwhile, I just heard from his after-school Shakespeare camp teacher and she is having issues with his attentiveness. I watched him in Tae Kwon Do and he's just awful about listening to the instructor unless I am there. I posted on PAI about an issue another mom had with him on a playdate. He's had challenges with the neighborhood kids. He has a few friends who come over, but doesn't get invited to their houses very often.

    I'm sure this is completely jumbled and inarticulate - but I guess I'm just sad that nobody seems to love my DS - love him for his challenges and his gifts. He is SUCH a great kid, smart, funny, never in trouble at school, tries hard, wonderful with his baby sister. But I'm always hearing about what he needs to work on, what he did wrong. I feel such a weight of responsibility, to get him the help he needs, to find him a social skills group, to work with him, to organize playdates and help him make friends. I asked his school counselor for resources outside of the school. She never followed up. I've asked for an IEP meeting - no response so I need to follow up on that. I need to call find some psychologists and get recommendations for groups. It's so exhausting. And hard b/c he's so aware of how easy things are for his twin sister....He can tell you exactly how many sleepovers she's had vs. him etc. etc..

    I know this is all pretty typical stuff for us Special Needs moms, but man - isn't it just so hard sometimes?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    223

    Default It is hard and it is unrelenting

    My DS sounds a lot like yours. At our IEP meeting I had to keep bringing up that I want to develop a "strength based plan". You keep all of those + traits in the front of your mind and remember it is a marathon so you have to pace yourself. A friend in real life going through some scary stuff with her 13 yo had this to say to a condensending doctor " I am not just his mother - I am his advocate".

    I would prioritize. Personnally I would find out some psych. resources so that you can start working on some of the social skills etc. so his self esteem is strengthened and then he will be more able to deal with some of the disappointments and negativitiy that he is facing. Secondly, I'd get the school personnel educated to his specific challenges as our kids spend so much time in that environment and if you've got someone you know doesn't care for you that will really do a number on your self esteem too.

    Be polite, be persistant and just keep going. Hugs.

    Anne

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    469

    Default I've got a hug to spare (m)

    I am sorry you are having a rough time. I don't know what your ds's dx is, but my 10 yo has Asperger's so social skills are a big problem for him too. I also found 3rd grade really tough - something about that age/stage, and also my ds had a teacher who didn't care for him because he is a little quirky and caused her classroom management problems at times.

    I can pass along to you what was suggested to me in regards to social skills: 'Social Stories' and 'Comic Strip Conversations' by Carol Gray (and also there are lots of websites that tell you how to write social stories), 'Think Social' by Michelle Garcia Winner (she also has some other good books). There are also some workbooks out there that I have found pretty good - my ds used 'Stick up for Yourself' Pamela Espeland, and 'Learning to Listen, Learning to Care' by Lawerence Shapiro, which is part of a set that has tons of other good workbooks (as you can tell, the workbook format worked really well for my ds). My ds also just started a social skills class, and I see them using many materials that are quite similar to the content of the workbooks we have (identifying feelings, checklists for body language, casual conversation, dealing with conflict etc.)

    Be kind to yourself - I know from your posts how much you love that boy of yours and how much you try to help him with his challenges, so give yourself some credit that you are trying your best, and providing him what he needs most - love and being his advocate - the rest will come with time.

    Amanda

  4. #4
    pepperlc is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    6,365

    Default

    I understand. People don't get my ds and there are times I don't either. I know people say things about him and his aggressiveness and major impulsivity. I just try to keep things as positive for him as I can when I can control the situation.

    Major hugs.
    karen

  5. #5
    trek is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    2,058

    Default

    First It is so hard when you see a child struggle in any setting in any way but socially is very hard as most schools do not address it and learning social skills is tough for the kids who do have issues socially. My older ds still has issues- he has no friends at his school despite attending it since kindergarten and he is now in 4th. In fact he only has one friend and that is someone he has known since he was a baby-sadly someone who does not attend school nearby and lives far enough to make play dates a challenge.

    I would suggest social skills classes though most children struggle with learning to apply what they are learning to real life. I also started a club for socially challenged kiddos, maybe do something similar?


  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    601

    Default Hugs being sent your way...

    I am in a similar situation because ds has a twin brother who is considered "typically developing". It is so difficult to stop trying to compare them, but it is something that I have to stop doing. They each have their own strengths.

    I hear you regarding how much a difference it makes when you have a teacher who "gets" your kid. This year, we happen to have a very understanding group of teachers, but that wasn't always the case. We had a teacher in 1st grade who didn't seem to like ds (or me). She is still in the school system, and chances are that ds will have her again in a future year. At our first parent-teacher's conference, she only told me ds's weaknesses. In your situation, perhaps you could ask the teacher (and try to reinforce in her mind) about ds's strengths?

    Regarding a suitable playgroup and place to meet friends, we luckily came across one at our local Y. If you live in or near a large city, perhaps there is a local chapter of Autism Speaks or one of the other national groups that might be able to tell you of groups for kids that are very mildly on the spectrum (if that is your situation with your son.) I found that having just one good friend is what really helps my son's self-esteem.

    Hope this helps.
    -Carol-

  7. #7
    angeleena is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    1,267

    Default


  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    500

    Default

    Gosh do I ever hear you Justine. I am so sorry you are feeling sad for ds...I too feel sad that no one EVER seems to see the good in my ds. All he represents is aggravation for everyone (except his immediate family, of course).

    I figure one day, people will see the real ds's we have and appreciate all their really awesome qualities. Until then, all we can do is just love them and be the rock they come home to from all the sh*tty stuff they have to deal with in the big world out there.

    HUGS!!

  9. #9
    jeninnc is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    2,923

    Default

    Hugs....there was a time in my life when I got a bad report everyday about Ellie...

    Lots of therapy later and it doesn't happen. But I still remember.

    Also, did you request the IEP in writing? It is against the law to ignore you the way they have. They have to respond in a certain amount of days. Request it formally in writing if you haven't already.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •