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Thread: Does anyone's kid treat them rudely around other kids?

  1. #1
    angeleena is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Does anyone's kid treat them rudely around other kids?

    I am pretty lenient with being talked to in a not so respectful way because we are working on helping ella stop hitting...so we allow mean words. The therapist said showing anger WITH WORDS...even "I hate you" is better than her hitting so we allow it....besides we pick our battles or we would be battling all day, every day.
    Later when she gets her hitting under control..we will work on proper language to show anger.

    However, when her friend is over she gets really sassy!!!! She just said "See how R U D E my mom is? Don't listen to her!!!"

    It is more frustrating when another kid is here. Then he does not respect me. I just had to tell him I was going to have to call his parents because he was not listening and was doing some pretty outrageous stuff. argh.

    frustrating.

    but at least she has a good friend. i am thankful for that.
    Last edited by angeleena; 06-26-2010 at 01:12 PM.

  2. #2
    sugarsue is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default

    Angi, have you read The Explosive Child? You may have mentioned it but I can't remember. Something about what you have said here reminded me about this book. It really helped me with Sierra and her outragious behavior and tantrums.

    Maybe you can draw the line with her and let her know how she should talk to you when friends are over so she can see that if she does not teach respect to her friends, she won't be able to have them over?

    HUGS!

    Susan

  3. #3
    psilverman is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Well

    First let me say I believe in picking battles -- so I can respect you choosing words over physical violence.

    But there is a difference between words that express how you feel -- even "I hate you" -- and words that disrespect just for the sake of disrespecting. I don't put up with the latter... I think it just invites it to escalate. You can't punish the guest for disrespecting you when you've just allowed your own child to do it.

    If she had said to you "mom you are being rude" -- then you could have asked her to explain why she felt you were being rude. I think I might have turned it around to say "How did you feel I was being rude -- because you are right, we don't allow rude in our house. So I will try not to be rude and you will not be rude by saying something like that and telling your friend not to listen to me."

    Again, I fully realize that you pick your battles but I think setting some boundaries when a friend is over will model how she needs to behave if she is a guest somewhere.

  4. #4
    angeleena is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Great points. We had a good talk about it all and I explained how it is NOT OK to disrespect me like that, even in front of her friend. I think she thought it was somehow OK cause her friend was there.
    Anyway, I am sure it will not change overnight. But you are right, we need to set more boundaries.
    She is pretty hard to change...bipolar, adhd, anxiety, etc...etc...

  5. #5
    psilverman is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default Oh believe me... I know

    ...I hesitated even to post but -- we can all use a little push from our friends here --- sometimes it works, sometimes we know enough to not even listen!

    I did mean to add -- and will do so now -- that I am so psyched that she had a good playdate. That is huge.

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