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Thread: five years ago (story of our last hours together)

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    182

    Default (((hugs))))

    It's been nearly 9 years for us, and I too can be (what feels like) transported back to the days leading up to Marisa's birth and the day of her death if I take a moment to think about it. I can see it all clearly and feel the same intense deafening grief that I felt that day we left the hospital. The pain is awful on so many levels, but it is all I have left of Marisa. Im sorry for your losses, sending you many hugs.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    182

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Carly A View Post
    I am surprised to wake up; I honestly don't remember having fallen asleep. Worked so hard yesterday to come to terms with the loss of our Raspberry. Funny name, I know... but that's what he looked like when I first saw him via a T/V sonogram. There was this little glitter lighting up. Bloop, bloop, bloop. Everytime we would talk to Raspberry, we would greet, "Bloop".... because that was our secret language. I woke up and promise I thought, "Thank god! I woke up from that nightmare." Then I looked at my pillow and saw all of the dried tears from the day before. I had cried myself to sleep and am crying again. How can I even look at myself in the mirror? How can I ever reach back to clasp my bra again. Everything revolved around my raspberry. Waffles and Orange Juice, eggs and potatoes....everything on the menu, Please
    I can't even think about eating now. It's like... there isn't a good reason to do anything at all. I walk past that room where I would have peeked into my raspberry. I think about how I longed to see his face and how I couldn't wait to meet him. And I didn't get a chance to hold him or even say goodbye.
    Day two... it feels almost worse than day one minus all of the visuals. The image of my deflated little balloon on the bottom of the screen. The visual of Martha, the U/S tech grabbing my knee as she dug deeper with the probe. Felt like my head unlatched from my body. Felt like a horrible movie. But it is real. And day two stinks.

    I have no where else to share this. DOn't know how I am going to tell my boss I need a few days off. She doesn't handle those things well. Wish I could just quit my job. But- that's not the answer. I just want my husband. I want my husband and my baby and everything the way it was LAST WEEK. Not today. Not yesterday. I don't want those days. Ever. I want to wake up.

    Carly, Im so sorry. ((((super big hugs)))

  3. #13
    sfpierce is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    2,281

    Default hugs and love to you

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Your eloquence astounds me.

  4. #14
    sfpierce is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    2,281

    Default I'm so sorry

    I have been there.

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