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Thread: Tough decisions to make this year

  1. #1
    ASIndy Guest

    Default Tough decisions to make this year

    Hi all,

    Just looking for a little advice/support... or something. I guess I'm not quite sure at this point. We're still trying to get our heads on straight.

    We just finished our latest IVF cycle which was negative. Up to this point we've had 3 failed IVF cycles, 2 IUI cycles, and probably 4-5 cycles involving some sort of stim. Clomid, low dose follistim, etc. None of the treatments have resulted in any sort of positive outcome, not even false positives.

    Our problem(s) are mild PCOS and apparently pretty awful egg quality (this last time we retrieved 28 eggs, of which only 2 were viable). Our RE mentioned our best chance for a pregnancy at this point is donor eggs. I can't get past the thought of fathering a child that doesn't also genetically belong to my wife. I don't think she can either. To compound the issue, we are of different ethnicity. Maybe we'll warm up to it, I don't know. At this point we're both pretty uncomfortable with it.

    Our RE has not outright told us she won't recommend more IVF cycles (perhaps following a full blood panel, MTHFR mutation test, etc...) and we've asked her pretty adamantly not to string us along to save our feelings. She said she is going to bring our case up at the next practice board meeting and let us know. It sounds like if we tell her we want to go on, she'll agree to it. For now, she gave us a few months prescription to clomid and told us to relax and try with that (better than nothing).

    We are exhausted and incredibly sad. We don't want to quit, but we don't want to be set up for failure. We want to move on with our lives but we also want our own GD offspring. We want to consider adoption, but do we adopt from her home country or my home country?

    I guess I'm just partly venting, but I really would appreciate any advice anybody could give.

  2. #2
    Allegro is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
    Join Date
    Jan 2006


    I'm so sorry. Your experience sounds very similar to what my husband and I went through with the exception that with unexplained infertility our interventions were less - as I ovulate normally and had no apparent issues we never tried clomid. I was a super responder to injectibles so we only did one IUI before an "emergency" IVF (too many follicles to proceed with IUI) and then two more IVFs. After the third IVF where they retrieved NO viable eggs (out of 11 I think) I was emotionally spent. I wanted a bus to hit me. Seriously.

    We moved on to adoption. We too are of different ethnic background (although maybe in a more easily manageable situation than you and your wife) - I'm black and my husband is caucasian. In your situation I would talk to some adoptive agencies to see what your options might be. Even adopting an embryo may be an option for you. We were blessed to be able to adopt two bi-racial children in Canada (where we live). What we found out when we started to investigate adoption is that bi-racial couples are highly sought after because the pool is smaller than the number of bi-racial children available for adoption and as a bi-racial couple we were much more appealing than caucasian couples to birthmothers looking to place a bi-racial child. It made our adoption process phenominally easy. Regardless of your ethnicity talk to a liscensed agency you may have better propsects than you believe (I never thought we'd be able to adopt one bi-racial kid in Canada much less two!).

    I hope that you find a solution either through donor eggs or adoption. As awful as that period of our lives was 9 years later I'm so happy I had the priviledge of adopting my two kids.

  3. #3
    ASIndy Guest


    Thank You! That is a great story and your children are beautiful. We'll definitely look in to this when we are ready.


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2008


    What a lovely post, Allegro. You and your children are beautiful.

    Best wishes, ASIndy, in whatever path you choose.

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