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Thread: Feeling horribly insecure...

  1. #11
    Val. is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Goodness gracious, I'd hate for her to be my MIL because I feel like a failure after reading your post! LOL Seriously, though, she has her opinions, but has no real business in telling you and your DH how to parent. What's your DH's take on this, by the way?

    With the praise studies, the problem they've found is that we praise our children globally and too much, and that it leads to over-inflated egos, insecurity, etc. It's important to recognize what it is we are praising. For example, my DS is an A/B honor student. He doesn't work hard for this. He is gifted, which was a God given gift, and I'm not going to over praise him for something that he could do with very little effort. I know parents who pay their kids for A/Bs an give elaborate rewards. But, I think that's where many are missing the boat. What we should be praising are things that they've worked for and things they have control over... their commitment, their persistence and perseverance, their character, and their honesty, etc. And praise should be specific in order to build self esteem and confidence, such as "I admire the way you planned out that project for school. You really organized it well by putting each step down on your calendar." instead of "I'm so proud of you for getting an A."

    The thing is that your kids don't sound (from your post) like they are struggling. It also doesn't sound like you put an abnormal or unhealthy amount of pressure on them. I absolutely wouldn't let her comments bother you at all, nor cause you to miss sleep or question your parenting. Since you are working with a counselor, I'd most definitely bring it up at your next session so you can "get it out of your system."

    I see no harm in letting articles, others' comments, things we've read or heard cause us to reflect on what we're doing as parents and/or make improvements. But, most definitely they should not lead you to feeling insecure about your parenting skills.


    Val

  2. #12
    val36 is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    Default I can't add much to what the others have said

    except to say that your MIL is sticking her nose where it doesn't belong.
    Sounds to me like you're doing a great job. Kids need to know their parents are proud of them!! And more importantly, be proud of themselves.

    Sounds like your kids have a lot to be proud of!


  3. #13
    KirstenP is offline INCIIDer - A Community Creator
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    So much good advice here so I'll just give you a hug.

    Kirsten

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